What happens to your Self Esteem when you continually bend over backwards for others?

December 13, 2017

Are you typically a friendly, considerate, helpful and kind type of person?

 

Who more often than not bends over backwards to help others (whenever they may need it), but have recently found that when the shoe is required to be put on their foot, they seem to not reciprocate as kindly or as willingly as you have in the past?

 

In this blog I take you through my 3 very easy steps on "how to start saying No diplomatically to the people who are near and dear to you, so that you stop compromising and high-jacking your own self esteem". I trust this sounds like a plan! 

 

When others aren't as forthcoming with their helping hand towards you, it kicks you right in the guts doesn't it?

 

Worst of all you find that you are the one burdened with all the work, you take on more and more (running the risk of burning yourself out), you are the one worried about this and worried about that.

Whilst they?

Well whom ever your nearest and dearest is in this regard - they go on their merry way and carry on as if normal. 

 

Put up your hand if you agree and say "YEBO".

 

But secretly there is more to this really, isn't there?  Can we be honest for a moment?

Can we be a bit real?   What honestly gets your goat is that you are big enough, old enough and sure as heck wise enough to put your foot down. Lay down boundaries and say "No"...but when the time is right you tend to clam up like taps in the outback during a big drought. 

 

 

If only you could express what is in your mind and not feel guilty about it. 

If only you could say "No" politely, without having to offer a mountain of legitimate excuses! 

If only you could do what they do and dump your sh$# on their desk. 

 

Am I hitting a nerve here? I sure as nuts hope so! See this is where your niceness actually bits you on the butt. It is your very niceness that effects your self esteem and you know why? Because each time that you should have said no, each time that you should have politely refused, and you didn't....you beat yourself up internally for not being stronger. You who is eternally nice on the outside to everyone else, ends up not being so nice to yourself. And this dear blog reader is how your own self-esteem starts to take a beating. 

 

OUCH.

 

Now let me be your coach for just one minute here (please). If I had to task you with the following: "starting as of today, each time someone asks you for something (like your time) you have to answer NO". Our coaching would be over before it started.  We have to take a very different approach and we have to take it slow.

 

So how do you do this? "How do you start to say No diplomatically to the people who are near and dear to you, so that you stop compromising and high-jacking your own self esteem"

 

Easy, glad you asked. But first, what would it do for you if you had a better strategy around saying "No"? How would that change things for you today? Please type your answers down below. 

 

Therefore not for the fainthearted but here we go, my 3 simple steps: 

 

1) Don't expect to quit any time soon. In other words give yourself time - Relax and Back down a bit.  You have been this way for a long time and you actually need to stay this way (see step 2). What I mean is take the pressure off yourself that things have to change NOW!

 

One thing I have found universally with all my clients who regularly do the stuff that this blog talks about, is that they lack the muscle to set really meaningful and tangible goals for themselves.   WE can help with that for sure. Click here to find out where and when our next Vision Board night is at. Bubbles and Dreams...this is going to help you go to super stardom. Because you will start to say No (politely) when you know that what someone is asking you to do won't get you to your ultimate outcome, because you have articulated and envisioned that outcome. Smiles all way round. 

 

2) Know that is lovely to be nice, and nice you need to stay! The world is full of creeps, and baddies and my opinion is that we need more goodies in this place. So for heavens sake don't re-invent to such an extent that you discard the old. There is good in the nice you. And the world needs this. 

What does need a bit of tweaking is what I call "Being who you need to be in situation specific scenarios".  Again this is going to be made doubly easy once you have grown that inner goal muscle.

[As an aside I want to clarify a few things about goals.... (1) they must be measurable and (2) they need to be so juicy so as to move you out of your comfort zen zone. Meaning you will have to shift innerly to get to your outer wants and desires].

 

If this sounds confusing >> again check out dates for our next Bubbles & Dreams nights in a location near you! 

 

 

3) Start culling the superfluous activities  - such as the ones that will keep you from digging deeper into what it is that you want.  Distractions are amazing, I love them too. Distractions are so yummy because they keep you busy, and when you are busy it is so easy to turn something down that would benefit YOU! So instead of saying No to people directly, which may just be too much of a leap right now. Start to say no to distractions and start to acknowledge when you are honestly tempted by them. [Think FB time, Instagram hours, laundry, kid drop off etc etc] 

 

TASK - next time a girlfriend offers to take you to some sort of self help course or recommends some good reading or says "Let's go for reflexology" #JustDoIt. 

 

We will take care of the bigger push-ups down the line, so be sure to stick around whilst we get you on track to "How to starting saying No diplomatically to the people who are near and dear to you, so that you stop compromising and high-jacking your own self esteem".

 

Quote "Your self esteem will be regulated by the ability to feel that you are in control" - why not start putting the control back today? 

 

Over to you, which one of the 3 steps will you be implementing as execution will always kick intention to the curb. Without some ACTION there can be no change. So start small, start today.


Ps - if you enjoyed this blog and want me to keep in touch with you, why not download 👇our free PDF guide 101 Ways to Elevate your Professional Success today 👇👇 click on the link!

 

 

Warm regards

Adele 

 

 

 

 

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